The Big Day

Few months passed and today was the day I was officially getting married. It all happened so fast, and I forgot about Rashed and was ready to spend a happy life with my husband. 

_________________________________________________________________

We went to the hotel from 8AM and my sisters started getting everything ready, while my mother and aunts made sure the wedding hall was perfect!

The flowers kept rushing into my suite from family members, friends, and people from the grooms side, all wishing me a happy life.

Time flew by quickly and it was 8PM, all my family members went down to the wedding hall to start greeting the guests that would be attending. While Noora sat up with me and decided she would go down by 10PM when I make my entrance. We let Hamda keep us posted on what was going on in the wedding hall, she sent us pictures of how it looked and it was like my fairytale had come true.

Noora kept looking at me as if she felt something was not right. I didn't want to ruin my day with bringing old memories back, so I just ignored her.

By 9:30PM I was nervous, my heart started beating faster, my sister Roudha came up and so did the salon ladies once again to add the final touches, before they put on my jewels. As they were getting me ready Noora got a call, and she rushed to the other room. Which was weird as Noora always answered her phone in front of us.

I was set and ready to go, they just had to put on my crown and veil and I was ready to make my entrance in front of 2,000 women who attended to witness my marriage.

As I woke down the aisle and the women stood up, I got goosebumps, I held one of the flower girls hands just to stop my hand from shaking, while my other hand held the flower bouquet. My mother and aunts stood on one side in happy tears, while my sisters kept telling the photographers to rush and take good photos, the grooms family on the other side looked like they were proud of who their son was marrying.

The dancing began, dinner was served, and the night went beautifully that was until 1AM when Mohammed had to enter...

The Date

I had to wake up early the next morning, I felt as if I had a hangover from last night. It all felt as a dream, and I was going through a mixed emotions phase. I was now officially his and he was mine, we are meant to live our lives together till death do us part. 

I started getting ready as Mohammed would pick me up by 12PM and would take me on a surprise date as he stated. 

___________________________________________________________

It was 12PM and he was right in front of my house, I picked up my Celine bag and went down to his car. He came with his all black G65, I expected him to get down the car and open the door for me but he just rolled down the window and said "Halla" (Hi).

We headed to Dubai,  our first stop was La Petite Maison for Lunch. Over lunch something got over Mohammed and he started talking about the day he saw me in London sitting with Rashed.

Mohammed: How is your fashion line going with that guy?
Me: Oh I stopped designing.
Mohammed: Aha
Me: It was a hassle and not a good time to start.
Mohammed: Start a fashion line here on your own.
Me: Will see how things go.
Mohammed: Who was that guy by the way, how did you meet him?

Here my heart stopped and I had to make up a believable lie. 

Me: He is the brother of one of my classmates in university, she told me that he is looking for someone to start a fashion line with.
Mohammed: Ah okay... next time when you meet with a guy you should take one of your brothers or sisters with you. Just so people won't get the wrong idea.

I felt as if he was sending me a hint that he felt we were on a date together in that restaurant, but I had to act as if nothing was going on. So i just agreed and tried to get the focus on him while we continued with our lunch. 

After lunch he took me shopping to choose some outfits for him and myself for when we go to London for his work, he made me feel that I was officially his wife...

The whole day was great I really enjoyed being with him and not for a second did I doubt my decision... Until I got home that night and got a message from Rashed which said:

"Congratulations, I hope you haven't taken a decision so quickly as me and my family were supposed to come to ask for your hand in marriage during this week. I am in Abu Dhabi, please let me know if you would like to meet." 

My hands were trembling I was so nervous and irritated that he would go this low and send me a message saying that, even though he knew I was now off the market. I immediately deleted the message, in an attempt to hide every trace of Rashed.

Mohammed's Entrance

The DJ told the ladies to put on their abayas and shailas, as the groom would now make his entrance. All the ladies rushed to cover themselves (except the ones who Mohammed could see without Shaila and Abaya, and this time unfortunately I was one of them). 

I stood all alone nervously waiting for him to enter, I hoped Noora or one of my sisters stood by me on the stage. However, it was not right and it would not look good. 

___________________________________________________________________

There he was Mohammed my husband, walking towards the stage his mother and sisters were filled with joy, and he walked with a smile on his face.

All that I could think of, what if it was Rashed who walked in right now. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard the wedding cheers of the ladies. He got closer and closer, and my heart started beating harder.

When he reached he kissed my head and then stood by my side and held my hand. The photographers started taking pictures of us, while we both stood there as husband and wife.

We then sat down and he said "You look beautiful tonight" I just smiled at him. I was nervous and I did not know what to do.

He then got up when his mother gave him a sign and then they brought in the huge Tiffany jewelry box, his sisters helped him put the huge necklace around my neck, and then they got the perfect Princess Cut Diamond Ring from Cartier and he put it on my finger.

My sisters then came on stage then got me his Cartier ring to put around his finger, and now it was official.

We sat down for a few more minutes and then I had to go up to my room with him, after the Milcha the bride only sits and talks to her husband, but does not move to the husbands house (even though she is now officially his wife).

______________________________________________________________

I was so shy and I did not want to go up to my room with him, but it would be awkward if I made him sit in the living room between the young girls.

In my room, he sat down beside me and he started talking and telling me how happy he is that his family found a girl like me for him, and how he thinks he is lucky.

He was very charming once I got to know him more, he was a polo player, works at a huge firm, and loves to travel. While his looks for pretty good as well, he was white but not pale, had hazel eyes, and thick dark brown hair, he was fit, and had a lovely smile.

We talked for more than 2 hours and I felt happy, his sisters then gave him a miss call to indicate it is late and he has to get out from my room now. Before he left he kissed my cheeks, I wanted to kiss him back but I felt shy so I just looked down and smiled.

_______________________________________________________________

After the groom's family and guests left, my sisters rushed to my room asking me what happened and all that. Then they dragged me to open the gifts the groom's family brought with them.

There were dozens and dozens of beautiful jewelry from huge necklaces, rings, watches, bracelets, etc. Another box had all haute couture designer dresses that was made just for me, then the designer bags, and then I found a Bentley car key as well in one of the boxes. His family had just showered me with gifts and money. Not to mention the AED1,000,000 dowry they paid!

At this moment I had to forever stay loyal to him and make sure I never did anything wrong. As this showed how much I meant to his family, as they were not forced to give me this many gifts.

Later on I got a message from Mohammed where he said " I would like to take you out tomorrow from the afternoon, I have planned the day for us". 

Unstable Feelings

As my milcha was getting close, I anxiously waited for more than a letter from Rashed something that would make the wedding stop and for a light to spark that will give me hope for me and Rashed to be together. 

I didn't reply to his letter as I had vowed that I would leave the drama in London, but that didn't mean I wanted Rashed to stop. 

After a while I felt I was the only one who had feelings and was in a one sided love story, maybe Rashed moved on and forgot me. He had my numbers but he never texted, he might as well have moved on... 

_______________________________________________________________

Time passed quickly and soon did I notice that it was the day of my Milcha. My sisters woke me up from 8AM and took me to the spa to get pampered for the evening. The wedding planner had come to our house to set up the arrangements, the caterers were planning how to set up the food, my mom and aunts were all over the place making sure everything was perfect.

The wedding contract signing would take place in the evening, and then the party would be later on in the night.

I came back home and the salon ladies were there, they did my hair and makeup. I got ready and wore a Moroccan Jalabeya (Arabic Dress) for the signing ceremony.

My sisters, cousins, and my two best friends stood by my side. While the older ladies of the family also came for the signing ceremony. The ladies sat in the main house majlis, while the men were in the outer majlis.

My heart started beating fast, I just realized I am giving myself away to Mohammed just like that. One signature and I would be his forever (I never want to be a divorced woman). 

We waited for the grooms (Mohammed) family to arrive, and once they did everyone was amazed. The ladies of his family entered our house, with huge lovely boxes with M&L being on the top of each box. There were around 25 boxes with them, they also had a huge gold box with them, the gifts were all placed in the guests room for us to open later.

All my family members were amazed by how many gifts they got me, and each one could not wait for later tonight to see what was inside.

In a few minutes, my eldest brother came in with the wedding contract for me to sign. They handed me a pen and around 50 ladies kept staring and had their cameras ready for taking a picture of my hand when I sign the contract.

I was shaking and I did not know what to do, this was it. My eyes filled with tears, and my two elder sisters standing on top of my head telling me to sign the contract faster; it suddenly happened I signed the contract.

The house was filled with joyful ladies congratulating each other, while I just sat there in tears. 

____________________________________________________________

I went up as soon as possible to get ready for the party that was taking place during the night, I wore a Haute Couture Elie Saab dress, had lovely makeup on, and my sisters got me a beautiful Louboutin heels.

It was now 8:30 PM more than 400 ladies were slowly entering our house, group after another. I could hear the songs and girls dancing. Noora and Hamda were there by my side sitting, no matter how much I told them to go down to sit with our university friends they said they wanted to be with me.

My eldest sister Sarah came up to ensure I looked perfect, and had the salon ladies do some final touches before I made my grand entrance at 10PM.

Noora kept looking at me as if she felt sorry for me, but I couldn't say anything since Hamda was sitting there.

Time passed quickly and it was time for me to go down. They started my entrance song and my sister Roudha came to walk by my side, while Noora and Hamda walked behind me.

The ladies started the wedding cheers, they all stood up for my entrance. I saw the groom's family looking at me happily and examining every part of what I wore.

I had to walk the whole catwalk that felt like 5 Kilometers, until I got to the stage (kosha). Once I reached the close family relatives from both sides slowly kept coming on the stage to take pictures, while others were dancing. I can't say I didn't have fun, I did!

My heart could not stop beating when it was midnight, as it was time for Mohammed to make his entrance to see me for the first time as his wife. 

Departure

I did not know why Rashed suddenly got angry, when he knew that I was engaged. It might have been because he felt that no matter what I would still get married to Mohammed, or because he just realized I was engaged for real. 

Roudha obviously told Sara and sent her the picture, because she knew how strong Sara was and that she would do whatever she could, to keep our family's image good. After that night, Sara was calm and friendly again but she kept a watch on me and every two hours she would check my mobile. 

___________________________________________________________________

The holidays came to an end and it was time to go back to Abu Dhabi, I was heartbroken and I lived in a dream for a few days in London. However, the dream has come to an end and I woke up to face my reality.

When we headed out to go to the car, the doorman gave me a letter I read the envelope it was from Rashed. I was eager to open it, but I couldn't right now since Sara and Roudha were around me. The good thing is that they did not notice the doorman handing me the letter. I decided to open it once I was on the plane.

As we got to the airport the only thing that I could think of is how I left Rashed, and how will my life be now with Mohammed. I tried to think of ways to cancel the wedding, but I couldn't unless I caught Mohammed with another woman and had proof. But what are the chances that it would work, they would give me the typical statement "He is a guy, he could do whatever he wants".

__________________________________________________________________

I got on the plane and closed my First Class Suite Door, I opened the letter :

Latifa, 

I did not want to complicate things and send you messages on your phone so you would have to respond, this is why I decided to give you a letter. 

I am sorry for yelling at you and leaving you to go, however I think it is for the best since you can't find a way to cancel your marriage, and I can't find a way to convince my family. 

But you have to know that I love you and I would have found any way to get married to you and start a family with you. When I saw that you wore your engagement ring, it made me feel like you took a decision and that there is nothing I could do that would make you change your mind. 

I will always be waiting for you, forever and ever. 

Love, 

Rashed

The plane departed and there was no way to that I could do something that would change anything. He says he loves me but then doesn't do something and he just yells at me. At this point I tried to end my feelings for Rashed, and tore the letter and threw it.

We reached Abu Dhabi and a week past, at this point there was a month left till my Milcha, which is the day I officially sign the wedding contract that I am Mohammed AlX.'s wife, I wasn't ready for this but I had to do it for the sake of my family's happiness.

Rashed + Latifa - Mohammed = ?

I reached the restaurant and there he was standing, he looked so handsome I just wanted to be his forever at that moment. He looked at me and smiled happily as I walked towards the table. I did not know why Rashed insisted for us to meet and to try to make our relationship happen when he knew I was a girl who was going to get married in a couple of months. I didn't bother myself with that, I just wanted to be with him! 

______________________________________________________

We sat down and had a nice dinner, he kept telling me about how much he wants to be with me, and all the plans he has for our wedding and future. I felt that he was serious and got so excited, but at the same time sad.

Me: Rashed, how would I cancel my wedding? I already told my family I am fine with it. If I cancel it and then straight away you come to propose it would look really bad and they would get suspicious.

Rashed: Latifa, I don't care what people think! I don't mind running away with you and getting married in another country far away.

Me: Rashed that is a joke or something?! That would kill my reputation, and my family's reputation. I could never do that, no matter how much I want to be with you. I really think we should stop doing this.

Rashed: I will be honest with you... My family want me to marry my cousin and I don't like her, we have nothing in common. But my mother insists that I marry her, since she has already told the my cousin's mother that she wants her daughter for me.

Me: Then why are you following me, when there is no chance for us to get together.

At that moment he held my hand and looked straight into my eyes and said: 

Because I love you Latifa. 

I wanted to live that moment forever and ever, I felt like a princess in a fairytale I wanted to just hug him. But of course I didn't.

After dinner we walked around Oxford, since there was not many people. Rashed held my hand and this time he saw that I had an engagement ring on it.

Rashed: You made your choice?
Me: Rashed I love you, but I can't cancel my marriage to Mohammed.
Rashed: That guy doesn't like you, he is just using you to cover up for his mistakes.
Me: Rashed everyone has flaws he will change.
Rashed: OH now I see how a happy couple you are, you started defending him now. Then why are you roaming the streets with me, when you have made up your mind.

I ran to the nearest taxi I saw, Rashed didn't bother stopping me. I headed back to the apartment in tears and heartbroken, I just felt cheap and desperate.

I was to ashamed to call Noora and tell her what happened, I had to go through this on my own. As I opened the apartment door, Sarah (My eldest sister) was standing there angry.

Sarah: HOW COUlD YOU?! Do you want to kill our mother?! YOU STUPID GIRL! WHERE IS YOUR BRAIN...

She took out her phone and showed me a picture of me and Rashed holding hands in Oxford Street.

Sarah: WHAT YOU JUST THOUGHT YOU COULD SEE ANOTHER GUY IN LONDON, WITHOUT ANYONE FINDING OUT. THANK GOD ONLY ROUDHA SAW YOU, AND SENT ME THIS PICTURE TO TEACH YOU A LESSON.
Listen Latifa you will shut up sit with your pride and honor and we will continue our shopping tomorrow and then we will go back to Abu Dhabi, and I don't care no matter what you think you will get married to Mohammed.

I just cried and said Okay, I know I did a huge mistake but I learned now from my mistake. I went to my room so ashamed of what I have done. 

This was it, I am officially getting married to Mohammed. 

The Misery

I could not sleep the whole night, I worried what Rashed would do. I did not want my family to know that I have been seeing a guy in London, while I was engaged to Mohammed. It would ruin my whole image in front of them, I would be seen as the devil child. In short words, I would be the reason to their misery and sadness. 

_____________________________________________________

I was sitting on the dining table with the whole family (Mom, brothers, and sisters) they were all chatting and teasing me on how Mohammed has become a love bird now, and how he will shower me with gifts. My older brothers could not stop talking about how such a great guy he is (since they spent the whole day with him at the Stables in his farm). My sisters were excited to continue shopping, before we headed back to Abu Dhabi after 3 days.

My mother after breakfast came to me and said:

Mother: You don't look happy Latifa, is everything alright?
Me: Ya I'm fine.
Mother: Roudha told me ....

My heart stopped and I yelled in fear "TOLD YOU WHAT"

Mother: What's wrong?! She told me to see if you are fine with the marriage, I want you to be happy Latifa...

I thought this would be my chance to tell her I can't do this, I can't marry Mohammed. But she continued and said... 

Mother: You know his family really like you and they come from a very big respectful family in the community, our family has all their eyes on you and this marriage. It would really be a positive change in our lives. Every man does mistakes but they change after marriage.

Me: No I am really fine with the wedding ...

What would I have said?! She stated her opinion and there was no way to turn back. I just had to start ignoring Rashed from now on, since this is such a big deal! I just realized I needed to start being respectful and get back to my senses asap.


*After a few hours*

While I was out shopping with my sisters, Rashed would not stop calling my phone and sending texts. I gave in and replied to one of his calls. He begged me to meet him for dinner tonight at a certain restaurant that is far from the Arab hotspots.

I could not say no to his charming voice and personality, every time I thought of his beautiful smile, accent, and eyes, I died a little from the inside... So I said I will be there!

Fast I texted Noora and told her that if my family calls her tonight that she should tell them I am with her. She got angry and started blabbering, but I insisted.

I rushed back home dressed up for the night with Rashed, and as I was about to leave the apartment Roudha and her husband entered.

Roudha: Where are you going like this?
Me: Noora has her friends birthday party at Hakkasan.
Roudha: Did you talk to Mohammed and thanked him for the gifts?
Me: I will call later, I need to go now.
Roudha: We will drop you on our way.
Me: No its okay I need to go with Noora.
Roudha: Take care Latifa...


It felt like Roudha knew I was lying and she was suspicious, she never questioned me when I went out until she found out about the Rashed thing. I could not let that ruin that on me and I got a cab and went to the restaurant.

Heartless

The only man I have ever fallen in love with, just told me right to my face that he was not ready for marriage right now. While me an 18 year old university student, was ready to give up my marriage to a well-known guy in the community, just for Rashed my first love. 

I wanted Noora to slap me, I wanted her to take a knife and stab me till death, I wanted to throw myself in front of one of those London buses. 

We got out of Godiva and walked around Harrods looking for nice bags to buy. The whole time Noora kept trying to get me to talk, I changed the subject and started talking on what was left for me to buy for my wedding. That way she got the hint, that things haven't gone as planned. 

________________________________________________________________

After an hour I checked my phone and saw that I had more than 10 messages and they were all from Rashed, all the messages were asking me to forgive him for what he said. While in the last message he said "Please meet me at my place for dinner tonight, you can get Noora along with you". 

I told Noora that he said that, she thought it would be the worst idea to meet him she clearly said "Ignore him for today". 

I was strong enough now to start ignoring Rashed, and just spent the whole day not thinking about him (Sort of). 

After we spent hours roaming around and meeting with our university friends for dinner, me and Noora went for a walk around Knightsbridge before we both headed home. I walked Noora to her house (As her house is just a building away from my house) and then headed to my place. 

When I reached I saw Rashed standing next to Rolex under my apartment. He saw me and there was no chance for me to turn sides, I continued walking straight and tried ignoring him. 

He put his hand on my shoulder and said "Latifa, wait a second" I backed off and pushed his hand away. 

"YOU CAN'T TOUCH A LADY, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT! Or are you to open minded and so British like now that you don't even care about marriage or your traditions or whatever" 

Yes I blew up for the first time ever, all the emotions came out ... until I started crying. 

Rashed: Latifa I really love you, I just said that because I didn't want to ruin your life. But then I realized what a fool I was, please Latifa let us fix this. I want you in my life... 

I am ready to tell my mother that I want to propose to you, I will do that! Just give me a chance Latifa. 

I did not know what to say... but how was I supposed to believe him this time. 

Me: Rashed please stop ruining my life more than this, if you want me come and propose. If you just want a fun thing, I am not the girl for that. 

I walked away from him and went to my apartment... Where I found a huge gift box for me, and it was from Mohammed, there was a card that said: 

"Here are some of my favourite things from London, as well as a few things I liked to buy for my fiancee. - Your Fiancee, Mohammed" 

I didn't want to believe that suddenly Mohammed started to feel that he was engaged, I was certain that this was either his sisters idea or it is some kind of a cover up for that lady I saw. 

Before going to bed, I got a text from Rashed that said "I love you and will show you how much you mean to me". 

A Cold Week

I waited for a whole week and there was no reply from Rashed. I couldn't stop thinking of him no matter how recent we met, as I fell in love with him. 

I now didn't know what to do, a few months were away from my Milcha, and I could never think of marrying Mohammed. He obviously had no feelings for me, and was a player, but I guess this is my luck. 

We had a few days left in London and my family kept urging me to start shopping for the Milcha and the various occasions after it. I also was scheduled to go to a dress fitting at Vera Wang, all thanks to my sister Sarah who is acting as if she is getting married again. 

______________________________________________________________

It was Monday morning I woke up and desperately looked at my phone, desperately hoping that Rashed replied to any of my hundred messages. Unfortunately there was nothing ... I dragged myself to the closet, and wore anything, since I no longer had anyone to dress for or impress.

As soon as I got out I saw my elder sisters and mom speaking on where we will be going to buy dresses and all the other stuff for the wedding. How would I be happy and enthusiastic for a wedding that I am forcefully in (My family didn't force me, but I felt mentally forced).

After breakfast, we picked up Noora and headed out to look for the dress fitting appointment at Vera Wang. As we entered I was blown away by all the gorgeous dresses, but each one looked dull in my eyes.

My sisters and Noora were jumping all around the place, while my mother sat on the chair pointing at which dresses she thought looked nice and then sent me in to try it.

As I put on the first dress and went out in front of them, they all started tearing and then each one pointed out a bad thing about the dress. When they asked me for my opinion, I simply said "Any" as I was not a single bit interested in marrying Mohammed after what happened, and what I saw.

After dozens of dresses, Sarah & Roudha made their choice and chose "the perfect one" for me. Noora noticed that I wasn't happy and told me to give her my phone. I wondered why she wanted my phone, to my shock she sent a message to Rashed which said:

"Hi this is Noora we met over lunch once with Latifa. I just wanted to tell you that what you are doing is wrong, she really loves you and she doesn't want to go through with this wedding. Make a move before it is to late for the both of you. - Noora" 


I got so mad at her, but yet I was happy that she sent that message I wanted to know what would happen when he read it.

During the whole wedding shopping spree, Roudha kept staring at my every move. I had a feeling she told Sarah, but Sarah would have started a whole new level of drama if she did.

Finally after hours we got free from my sisters and mother, so me and Noora went and sat down at Godiva Cafe, Harrods. Where I saw Rashed sitting with his guy friend, I waited for him to smile, or to do anything. He just looked at me once right in the eyes for less than a second and turned away.

I wanted to get up and go to his table, but Noora stopped me and said "Are you an idiot look at the amount of Arabs over here, what are you trying to do? Kill your reputation?!" 

I was on my nerves I waited anxiously for something to happen, I wanted him to say something to me. I thought to myself how could he be like this, I thought he liked me. I was new to these kinds of things and had no idea what was the right move.

After a while his friend went and Rashed was there sitting alone, I could not stop myself I had to go to him. I got up and ignored Noora completely, and went to his table and sat down.

Me: Rashed this is not fair, why are you doing this to me?
Rashed: Latifa get up and go back to your place.
Me: I won't get up and if you go away I'll make a scene, please Rashed.
Rashed: I really liked you, but you are getting married.
Me: I'll cancel it.
Rashed: And then what?
Me: You come propose to me and we'll get married.
Rashed: Uhm... I am not really ready for marriage. Not for a couple of years, if you are willing to wait? I just want a relationship for now.


What have I done, I just gave myself away for free. I sole-handedly ruined my reputation in front of Mohammed, Noora, Roudha, and the whole Arab community in Godiva Cafe. 


I swallowed my tears I tried to stay strong, I smiled, got up ...

Rashed immediately said.. "LATIFA WAIT"

It was my time to start ignoring, I just turned my back and walked away...

It's Complicated...

I woke up in the morning, and I wish I hadn't woken up. I got a text from Mohammed which said "Hey, I am in London for some business. I would like to have lunch with you today." 

What was I supposed to do, today was supposed to be my full day date with Rashed, I had to make a choice, whether I would cancel on Rashed or Mohammed. Either ways I started get ready, went to the kitchen and the whole family was there.

They were going to the farmhouse for the day, which is 2 hours away from London. They asked me to come along but I made a small white lie, that I was going to go with Noora to finish shopping.

THIS WAS AN OPPORTUNITY! I could tell Mohammed that we won't be in London today, and go out with Rashed while my family is away.

I texted Mohammed and told him I won't be available today, if we could reschedule for another day. Immediately, I then texted Rashed saying "I am on my way to Hyde Park, meet me by the Serpentine".

______________________________________________________________

I wore my fur coat, carried my favourite Chanel bag, put on my favourite Armani Prive perfume, and took the big step in my leopard print Louboutins. This was all for a day with Rashed...

I went to Hyde Park and saw him standing there waiting. When he saw me he was thrilled and kept telling me how glad he is that I came.

We didn't waste time in Hyde Park, we got in a cab and went to have breakfast. Over breakfast he kept telling me all about his stories and how he now is ready to settle, but he is not fond of arranged marriages, he likes to get to know the girl  first.

I started getting the hint, and I started getting nervous. I felt it was time to tell him the truth, but I would wait for a better time during the day.

He then took me to show me his house from outside (I wouldn't go in the apartment from the first time), I was amazed! It was a mansion that looked so beautiful a home that I would want to be in.

After that he took me shopping and asked me what I wanted as he wanted to give me a gift, however I didn't accept and acted like I was shy.

I didn't want it to get out of my hands and show him there was hope for both of us.

During lunch at Mr. Chow, I felt nervous since I knew this restaurant had many arabs going to it. I tried acting as formal as possible with him, that even he sensed there was something wrong with me.

After the appetizers, I suddenly saw Mohammed walk in! The way the restaurant was built didn't allow me to make an escape since I would have to pass Mohammed. I sat down and prayed that he would be seated upstairs, there were no tables beside us that were empty just one at the far corner.

Suddenly, I saw him walking in not alone but with this lady who didn't look like any of his family members. It was that lady again that we saw at The Ritz!

HE SAW ME and looked at me weirdly. I didn't know what to do whether to explain myself or make up a lie.

He walked towards me and said: Latifa? What are you doing here?!
Me: I have a business meeting with Rashed, we are starting a fashion line.
At this point Rashed was so confused, and I kept praying that he won't say anything. 

Mohammed: Ah, so you cancelled our Lunch for a meeting? Where is your family?
Me: Who is that lady with you? (Trying to change the subject)
Mohammed: Non of your concern, see you later.

He walked away and kept staring the whole time he was sitting I knew he was suspicious of something. Rashed immediately spoke. 

Rashed: Fashion Business Meeting?
Me: I will explain once we leave...
Rashed: Is he your brother, cousin, friend?
Me: No.

We skipped dessert and Rashed paid the cheque and we left. I know had to tell him the truth. 

Me: Rashed, I haven't been honest with you and I have been doing a huge mistake. The man you saw is Mohammed my Fiancee.

Rashed stopped immediately and looked at me angrily and yelled "FIANCEE?!"

Me: Rashed I swear I didn't fall in love with him, I love you ever since the plane. I am one of those victims of an arranged marriage. I am still a first year university student, who had no choice and never had a romance.

Rashed: Latifa I really can't go on with you if you are going to get married. This is not right! Yes, I love you to and really am enjoying with you. BUT THIS! Just ruined everything, I don't think there is a chance.

Before I could say something, he interrupted and said "No matter how much you explain yourself there could never be a us, when there is your fiancee" 

He walked me to my apartment and kept silent the whole way, I begged him not to do this and to just hear me out I would cancel the engagement, but he was so angry and displeased by what just happened. 

I went up in tears and when I opened the door I found my elder sister Roudha sitting in the living room.  I told her everything, I could not hold it in me I needed to tell someone.

She slapped me! 

Roudha: You know what you have just done?! You should be ashamed of yourself, what if our brothers hear this! WHAT IF OUR FATHER HEARS THIS!! You know what Latifa, it doesn't matter who hears this, now what matters is your image in front of your Fiancee and his family.
Do you think that Rashed will still be interested in you after you cancel the engagement, you cheated on your own fiancee before you even got married, how could any man trust you!

I just sat there and cried so much. Roudha then hugged me and said "You will be quiet, and you will marry Mohammed, no one would know about this and you now have to start a fashion line to cover up your lie" 

I wanted to tell her that I saw him with another woman but I kept quiet.

Hours and hours passed I just sat there waiting for a text from Rashed that said anything, but it was a waste of time he never messaged. 

Moe & The Ritz

I met with Noora in the morning and we went to The Ritz for breakfast. We sat down, and she couldn't hold herself and immediately asked me: 

Noora: What are you doing!! Who is the guy? 

Me: Noora he is just someone I met, sheesh it is not like something is going on between us. 

Noora: LATIFA! you are an engaged woman now, you can't go sit with strangers in cafe's. What if Mohammed's friends saw you or his family. 

*My fork and knife fell right out of my hands* 

There he was my fiancee walking in the lobby all dressed up to hit London town, he didn't even notice me. What was strange is that he didn't update his blackberry status or Instagram page nothing, it seemed like he didn't want anyone to know he is here. 

I Yelled "NOORA LOOK" as we both stared at him, we saw a lady that held his hands and walked out of the hotel. I was confused, I didn't completely understand whether he was her boyfriend or something was just between them. 

I immediately took out my phone and called Mohammed, but he didn't reply. So I texted him saying "I heard you are in London, let me know if you want to come to our house for Lunch tomorrow" 

Noora thought that we should stalk them and see what they were up to, but I didn't care less if he was doing anything. After all it is expected from someone who didn't give his fiancee much attention. 

____________________________________________________

We left and went to do some shopping around New Bond Street. I shopped my sorrows away, bought everything I wanted and still wanted more. While entering Burberry, I bumped into Rashed who was there buying trench-coats for himself. 

I couldn't resist not talking to him, so I ditched Noora in the female section and went straight to Rashed. When he saw me he immediately asked me if I could give him my opinions on what suit him, I gladly agreed. 

In a few moments Noora came to me and pinched me, and whispered "Are you an idiot what are you doing". 

I wanted to enjoy my day and thought that how harmful could it get to shop with Rashed. So I told her "Let's just stay for a bit" 

She was annoyed but at the same time she wanted to know what would happen and according to her she stayed to keep an eye on me. 

We shopped with Rashed and then he invited us for lunch. During lunch, Noora went to the powder-room, and that is when he moved closer to me. I was nervous, but I didn't move away, he held my hands, and for a moment I liked the feeling. Then I immediately pulled my hand back. 

Rashed: I really really like you Latifa

Me: You don't know me well to like me 

Rashed: I would like to get to know you more, please. 

I wanted to tell him I was engaged but I just couldn't, I didn't want to ruin this movie like romance that was going on. 

Me: Rashed I don't think I am okay with this... 

Rashed: Just spend a whole day with me, if you didn't feel a spark, then we would never speak again. 

Noora came back and looked at me weirdly and said let's leave now we need to go meet up with Hamda she wants us to go to shop for wedding gowns. 

That was Noora's way of sending a hint to Rashed that there is someone who is getting married. However, he didn't seem to understand the hint, and we left him and went to shop with Hamda. 

I begged Noora not to say anything to Hamda, since Hamda is a friend of mine but she has a big mouth and likes to gossip a lot. She said she won't tell her, but I still didn't feel comfortable.

_____________________________________________________

We entered various designer boutiques looking for dresses, but all I could think of was Rashed. I texted him and said "Meet me tomorrow at Hyde Park 10AM"

I felt guilty but yet I wanted to get to know him, I felt something for the first time. 

Damsel in Distress

We reached London, I was nervous I did not know what to do. I completely kept thinking of what I have done. I could hear my brother yelling saying the car is here let's go, but I stood there waiting for a bus to hit me.

I over-reacted since unlike most girls I have never been in a relationship or fell in love with another person. It was all new for me and I had no clue what to do...

___________________________________________________

It was 8AM and we reached our apartment, One Hyde Park, Knightsbridge. I could not wait to get to my room, arrange everything in it's place and wait for the clock to strike 10, to go roam around London and start my full month shopping therapy session.

While getting things out of the bag, the phone he gave me fell out. I stared at it, and found a message from someone called Rashed A380, I knew it was him.

The message said "Good Morning, I hope that we get to see each other during these days, hope you enjoy London"

I tried resisting not to reply, but I couldn't it was too tempting to try this out. I messaged back: "Hey, sure would love to meet sometime"

I continued my day and by 10 me, my younger sisters and the nannies, went to Oxford Street to do some window shopping and then grab something to eat.

My mom and my elder sisters had to arrive during the evening so I went to get the groceries as well, trying to be the perfect daughter.

The day went on normally and I thought that I could forget Rashed and move on like nothing happened. Right that moment I saw him waving right at me, I acted like I didn't see him and I think he got the message that my nannies are with me and so are my younger sisters.

And that is when I got a message from him, saying "Want to grab a coffee, at 4"

I wanted to die, this is not happening to me. Why couldn't this happen when I was single like every other girl, why now! And why am I so tempted to say sure.

At 4PM I arrived to the cafe and sat down with him and we had a wonderful evening that I could never forget.

By 6PM I went back to the apartment, made sure everything was in place and waited for my family to arrive.

To my shock, when I opened my Dubai phone I found a picture of me and Rashed sent by my best friend Aisha, and she sent a wink with it asking who was this hottie. I told her to meet me first thing tomorrow morning at The Ritz. 

A Heart With Two Sides

Ever since the engagement Mohammed would act as if he was forced into marrying me, ignoring the fact that he had a choice of choosing the girl. Unlike me who had no choice whatsoever...

_____________________________________________________

I was engaged officially to someone whom I have never even spoked to, but he seemed nice, handsome, ambitious, however for some time during our engagement he did not seem to be interested in anything that I did. I always told myself he was shy or that it's new for the both of us...

During the winter holidays my family decided that we all go to London for a month and spend time at our 'Second Home'. Personally I could never say no to London, and knowing that my two best friends were going with their families to just sealed the deal.

Thursday night after school we all got on board EK003 to London Heathrow. However, the first batch that went was my elder brother, and my younger sisters, and the nannies.

Me and my elder brother had our seats in first class, but he made sure that he sits on the opposite side of the plane. As he wanted to sleep in the private cabin, and booked me a private cabin of my own. While my younger sisters and the nannies were back in Business Class.

The flight took off and the excitement began, I thought of all the places I would shop for my wedding. All the bags I would buy, the heels, the dresses, I got so excited I almost screamed.

While in air, they dimmed the lights for everyone to sleep. That's when I decided it was time to change into my London outfit. I went to the washroom took a shower (Airbus A380) and dressed up for when I reach to London town.

As I got out of the bathroom, there was this man, who was tall, handsome, and had a perfect style, who looked straight into my eyes and smiled.

He soon asked me: Enjoyed the shower?

I completely ignored gave him a weird smile and walked past him, that's when I remembered that I forgot my abaya in the washroom but I didn't dare to go back.

A couple of minutes later, he came by my seat with my abaya and said I believe this is yours and he winked at me. He also slipped a note that said "Meet me at the lounge at the back"

I was an engaged woman I had no idea what to do, however the teenager in me yelled inside of me and said go...

____________________________________________________________

I went back, thanks to the dimmed lights and the midnight flight no one was there just a flight attendant who made drinks.

He was sitting there having a drink.

Him: Have a seat, I see you came.
Me: It's a long flight
Him: Good place to meet people, what's your name?
Me: Latifa, your name?
Him: Rashed, nice to meet you Latifa.
Me: Nice to meet you too.

Rashed started talking and he had all these wonderful stories that interested me so much, he showed me pictures of him during his Polo Matches, his trips to help kids in Africa, and I found out that he is doing his masters in London.

We sat for a whole hour talking, I didn't feel the time pass. I lost myself and fell in love.

*Cabin crew start serving breakfast, the head flight attendant said*

That is when I realised what I have done, and immediately got up to go.

Rashed: Take this! We need to meet in London.

I ran to my seat without looking at what he handed me, to my shock it was a phone. I feelt so dumb but so happy at the same time. It felt like my heart was divided into two halves, one that was angry for what  I did, and one that was flying from happiness.

I immediately put the phone he gave me in my purse and acted as if I was watching a movie, just before the people started waking up. I saw him go to his seat and he looked at me and smiled...

The Day I Met Him

It was a Thursday, I woke up so early that day and headed out to the mall with my elder sisters to find a dress that would be nice but yet won't expose me a lot. After hours of searching we found the perfect one.

We went back home and the event planner was already there, setting up the tables and everything for when my fiancee's family arrive at night.

The day passed so quick, It suddenly was time to greet the guests. I was told not to come down until my sisters come up to get me down.

The ladies arrived and the place was packed, I could hear the laughter, the joy, and the gossip between each group. Although they were happy I was getting married, I was not!

My two best friends came up to my room, and started telling me the latest news downstairs. One of the overheard the groom's cousin say that the boy is forced to get married as he had been a player for too long.

The clock struck 10! It was time to go down...

As I took the first step on the stairs, I could hear my heart beat, I was shaking, and I felt nervous.

Over 100 ladies looked right at me, all with a different thought.

As I reached down the groom's mother and sisters came to greet me, and I sat next to them as they wanted to plan everything out.

Without consulting me my elder sisters agreed that the "Milcha" signing the marriage contract would be after two months, and the wedding would follow after 4 months.

The groom's family were pleased, and they could not stop talking on how I was the perfect one for their son..

At 12 when half the ladies left, they brought the groom to see me and so that we could sit and chat alone.

________________________________
Mohammed (Groom): What do you study?
Me: Public Relations
Mohammed: Ah Okay

Mohammad: Are you ready for this?
Me: *Kept Silent*
Mohammed: *Smiles*
Mohammed: I will try my best to make you happy...
Me: (at that moment I wanted to tell him, make me happy by canceling this engagement, but I was shy and afraid so I just smiled)

He then left and went with his family out of the house... my sisters and family friends rushed to hear what I had to say about him. To their disappointment, I had nothing to say...

Forced...

As soon as we become university students, families with young male adults put their focus on us; searching for the perfect bride for their sons.

_______________________________________________

I got back from university that day, and saw my elder sisters sitting with my mother all of them seemed happy and had news for me. It was weird to see that my elder married sisters would come during a Sunday to our house for lunch, so I knew this had to be big.

We all went to the dinning room and the butlers set the food, and suddenly my eldest sister Sarah said:

Sarah: LATIFA you won't believe what news we got today..
Mother: Let her eat first, and freshen up then we will tell her.
Sarah: No this is such big news I have to tell her now.
Me: TELL ME OMG WHAT HAPPENED.

Sarah: Mohammed Al X. Auntie Hind's son has asked for your hand in marriage...

Immediately I blanked out I didn't know what to say or what to do, I was just a 18 year old who just entered university. I knew the boy well, he was handsome, confident, and was in his mid 20's, every other girl would immediately say yes, what was I supposed to do?!

I stayed silent and just looked straight at the food, wondering how my life would be.

Suddenly I was interrupted...

Mother: Latifa you know that they came straight to our house for you and didn't look at any other girl. He also said he wants you to go to London with him for his work, and he would enroll you in a college over there to continue your studies.

Roudha (Other Sister): Latifa he is a good guy, and we know their family well.

Sarah: Don't tell me you don't want him and have someone else in mind, we don't accept these kind of stuff.

Roudha: Sarah what are you saying, she is just thinking.

They all made it clear that my elder brothers and father have said that Mohammed is the perfect guy and they would be more than happy to have him in the family.


We finished lunch, I went up to my room to change and dress up for the evening gathering at my friends house. At the same time my mother told me she needs a reply before I leave the house.


I was not ready to get married as I have yet not lived my life, and had different plans for my own, but my family had a different plan for the girls in the family. All girls should get married as soon as possible (once she gets in university). 


As I went back down my sisters were sitting awaiting my reply, I felt pressured to say yes and did not want to let them down.

Me: I accept.

Roudha: Kolelelelelelelelelelelelelelelleleleleeleeeeeee (Arabic Way Of Happiness During Marriage)

Sarah: *Runs to hug me*

Mother:  Picks up the phone and calls Mohammed's mother, telling her that we accept.



I realized I have done a horrible mistake and I was not ready for marriage... 

The beginning ...

Who am I? Latifa a city girl who was born during the 90's who had no idea what life had in store for her.

It all started when I first opened my eyes to this world, I was born on a sunny summer afternoon in a hot and beautiful city called Dubai. I was welcomed to this world with my family members and their friends, who eagerly wanted to carry me and take a picture.

Years passed and I entered nursery, where it was one of my biggest fears when I had to leave home and go to the nursery and sit around kids who enjoyed playing with play-dough. During those days the most on our minds would have been what toy we wanted and had to get to be the cool kids.

Slowly, I found myself entering secondary school. People got meaner, or I started to understand better. However, I still imagined myself as a princess who lived the perfect fairytale.

That all ended when I graduated from high school, life was no longer all rainbows and butterflies. I had to be armored, strong, and had the courage, in order to survive in this harsh world.

My journey began the first day I stepped foot on campus as a freshmen...

A Mystery

I don't know why I have been getting thoughts on starting my own blog, where I would share with whoever passes by my page, my feelings, stories, or different life situations that I have encountered.

I most probably am writing to myself right now and I am most certain that no one would see this for at least some time.

But here goes to nothing ... The story starts now!